Lessons learnt: How letting go of your old life, to let the new life in, can be bloody scary.
I haven’t written a truly personal reflective piece for a while and as a writer you know when something is itching to come out of your brain, when it keeps banging around inside of it, thumping to be released.
So here you are.
This is a short piece about how I am feeling at the moment, and what you can maybe learn from my own turmoil.
Life is funny.
You get ups and downs, crisis and calm.
Fun and well, not so much fun.
Do you find that when your work life is going well, your home life crashes around your ears and vice versa?
Well I do, I’ve noticed a pattern over the years. And when you start to notice such things, it really freaks you out. But this article isn’t so much about the balance in life.
This article is talking about how letting go of your old life to let the new life in, and how this can be bloody scary.
I’ll explain some more.
I’m preparing for a period out of my current job, a great job, working with great people, in health and social care.
In this job I get to have interesting conversations and make stuff happen, it is challenging and fast paced and I have learnt so much from it over the past 5 years.
But if you’ve read my other articles, you’d have seen that I have been going through a wake-up process, I suppose you could call it.
Something calling at me from the beyond.
Beyond what, you ask?
“Do something different”. It calls to me over and over again.
“Try something new”.
If like me you are in your 40’s and have many, many years left of working until you retire, you start looking around and saying to yourself “is this it?”
Of course, it isn’t. But it feels like it.
There is a whole world out there.
We are creative, inspiring, exciting, intelligent beings who know no boundaries really.
If we can put a robot on Mars, we can do anything.
We cannot limit our lives, by what we think we are.
So that’s where I’m coming from.
Some would say it’s a mid-life crisis, but I don’t feel there is a crisis, just an awakening of my soul.
To expand my horizons, to do something different to try new thing before we are too old and worn out to try it.
For example, look at Madonna, she’s in her early 60’s, and one of the most musically and imaginary creative people on this planet. She doesn’t say, “heck I don’t need the money, I never have to work again, so I’ll sit here and just enjoy”.
Hell no, that woman gets up and says “I’m going to put myself out there and create art, music, a show and get people thinking”.
She doesn’t care much that she’ll get crap slung at her and criticised for being 60 and still wanting to do this. She just does it and you know why?
She has something inside of her, drawing her forward to be a ‘creative’, to be something other than just a person.
She has a drive that propels her forward so fast, she leaves most in her dust.
What’s your bloody point, Jeff?
My point ol’ buddy, is that we are only limited by our imagination and talent, which most of us have talents we didn’t know we had.
So what am I doing that’s new?
Well, I am finishing my job in 3 months, to go back to college full time to learn about well, all about the digital world and what I’ve been writing about and doing on here.
Developing my own business online and in the new online world.
It is exciting and daring and not many, actually, no one I know in my world has done it.
I’ve saved up to put myself through college, I’m writing, learning and exploring who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Because, well because we are but butterfly’s, fragile, fleeting, sparks of life, that sadly die too soon. (editor. Enough of the philosophy Mr Jeff).
So I am staring at the ending of one part of my life and looking forward to the beginning of a new one. But I don’t know what the new one will look like.
Leaving the comfort of one life, to take that short, but feels flipping massive trip, to a different way of living.
I feel both scared and excited at the same time.
Everyone at work is starting to know now what I am doing, they all look at you in a quizzical sort of a way, but are very supportive with their kind words of encouragement.
Some have said that they wish they “had the courage, spirit, determination to do the same”, but are “too scared” to do it.
I say go for it. But that’s me.
But you know what? It has to be their own wake-up call, it has to come from within, otherwise, you won’t enjoy it, you won’t have the same passion.
But doesn’t that go for every change we make?
A new partner, a divorce, having a baby, getting married, moving counties, changing jobs. All scary, exciting new things, but we think…
“What the Frig am I doing?”
But we go with it, because if we didn’t, what would we be?
We’d be floaters. (editor. not the poop kind!)
Floaters, floating face down in a stagnate pool of life. And not going anywhere.
We need some friction, new emotions, a kick up the bum excitement to know that we are alive.
Are you alive?
Do you feel alive?
So the ending is coming.
The funny thing the ending feels like a death and there are things but there are happenings, occurrences all around me, to tell me to move on and get gone and start my new life.
You know when you’ve made a decision but the universe gives you that extra push to move you forward.
For example, in 20 years I’ve never had a problem with my computer in the way it happened last week.
I had a 365 windows update, and then bang all my work on my shared agency drive went. I lost 18 months of work.
I felt sick, all that work gone.
It has been a nightmare trying to get it all back on track.
The IT department has seen nothing like it.
It wasn’t a virus, something happened but we don’t know what.
I saw it as a sign. Yes, I’m the kind of person who believes in signs. So judge me.
As soon as I got someone new appointed to my post, things started dying all around me.
Equipment not working, other situations falling apart.
Systems that have worked well for years suddenly not working; communications, networks, even my childcare breaking down.
The Bluetooth went on the car today and keeps going off.
Everything I need to work and function in the old life is shutting down.
I know that maybe this is the Universes way of helping me to let go of this life and prepare for the new one. (Editor: maybe it is just IT stuff Jeff).
But it is hard.
You question your decision, don’t you? Especially the massive ones.
Have I made the right choice?
Am I doing the right thing?
I keep asking myself these things.
Do you know what I mean?
When you are faced with the ending of one life and the start of a new. It is scary.
But when we have this wake-up call, this change in our circumstances, this ending of one life, it needs to end and die off, to let in the new.
That’s what I am learning.
But how do you get past this fear to make it all happen?
Visualisation is a big part of it.
You need to visualise what you will be doing next.
Where you will be working.
What your work or life will look like.
It helps to reassure you and keeps you excited, motivated and calm.
I suppose when someone retires they feel the same.
But then other things at work, the old life, keep on as before.
For example, I’m starting new projects which seems crazy seeing as I only have 3 months left.
But life carries on.
And what I’ll be doing in the new life suddenly starts turning up in the old. For example, making videos.
Suddenly my calendar is full of videos I need to make for training and information.
This isn’t even part of my job description but I’m okay at it and it has taken off.
So I’m making videos and doing filming which I love, the Universes way of preparing me for the next chapter.
Life is funny in that it prepares us for what’s next.
If you’ve had children do you remember that time before you got pregnant, and had decided you were going to try for a baby?
Suddenly everywhere babies appear.
Opportunities to hold a baby, see a baby are there. Preparing for the new chapter of your life.
What’s this got to do with an online business?
Well, it is about a state of mind.
Preparing oneself for the change that will happen.
I’m in it now. changing ideas, thinking, learning about new ways of being and living.
If it happened all at once my head would explode.
Letting go of the 9 to 5 (ed. 8 to 6 more like) and letting in a new way of living into the story that is me, Jeff.
You have your own story, but if like me you are thinking of changing your life, it doesn’t just happen overnight, it is a process, there is a transition period for everything.
Especially the big stuff.
Signs that something is coming, something is changing.
The winds of change are heading your way.
That’s okay and it is cool to be feeling anxious and worried.
But if you have a goal, a focus and you feel in your heart and very soul that it is meant to be, then you have to go for it.
There isn’t much you can do about it.
Like an athlete preparing for the Olympics, or a religious person following their faith or even Madonna making her music and art. Logic, common sense doesn’t always come into it.
And it shouldn’t always. It might stop you taking a few excellent risks.
You are driven forward to do what you are put here to do.
Yes, of course, the process can be frightening, but it can be bloody great too.
I’m learning to live in this moment, enjoy the chaos, the disruption, the death of this one life and reflect upon it.
Looking at this like a scientist looking at cells under a microscope. Observe, note and move forward.
It is part of the journey and of life and that can be our most fantastic adventure.
If you want to read more of my musings and articles have a look here on my blog on the Axe your 9 to 5 website.
Or if you want to see what education I am getting that is changing my life around and getting out of the 9 to 5 by building my own online business, there are 7 free videos that will blow your mind.
They will show you that there are alternatives out there that any person can achieve if they want to. Act here for the videos.
So, are you going through a major change in your life? What are you experiencing?
Leave a comment below and let me know.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Take back control.