This is the fantastic new guide to being kinder to yourself, to get the success you want and deserve in your online business.
I don’t know about you, but I’m hard on myself.
So hard, always have been.
It comes from a feeling of being undeserving, feeling guilty about all sorts of things most of which I cannot remember as they were so insignificant, so minor. Nothing really matters any more.
Feelings of being left behind, or being overtaken, not being good enough, making others proud, the usual crap we carry with us from years and years of learnt behaviours, from feelings we learn to implant themselves on our character.
I work and have worked long hours for years, I’ve studied, taken on responsibility, worked my way up the career ladder, worked my backside off and generally put myself out there to get on.
Well because I thought rightly or wrongly that this was the right thing to do. It was what I learnt at school, work hard pays results.
Sometimes we push just too hard.
If there was a hard and rocky road and an easier road, I took the rocky one, and I wasn’t wearing shoes.
I had an ingrained belief that if I weren’t bleeding and in pain for any rewards then I didn’t deserve them.
Isn’t that mad?
Possibly you have felt the same?
But these days, during my ‘Wake up’ I ask myself …what is it all for?
What are we doing?
Are we right?
At the end of our lives, will we have regrets at the end?
So we took a little break to be kinder to ourselves.
I’m writing this from a sunbed on the island of Lanzarote, a bit of a holiday with the kids and chance to catch up on some writing.
But even now, I’m here watching the kids swim, but already today I have been thinking about what I need to do for work.
Are you the same?
What drives us?
What separates those who are successful from those who are not?
An inner drive to be successful?
Yesterday I was on a plane and sat down next to a really great bloke called Steve.
We got chatting.
He was talking about how he and his wife and their 2 young children were off for a week in the sun. He was worried about his business back home and being in contact with his managers about certain things happening.
He was talking about how he and his wife both had their own business a few years back but they were both working crazy hours, she in her cafe, him in his salons.
They woke up one day and asked themselves what was it all about?
Their 2 children were in summer clubs and holidays clubs, whilst their parents worked all hours and kept the house going.
He said that they felt they were missing out on their lives and for what?
A bigger house and smarter cars?
And a few weeks in the sun every year?
So they sold the wife’s business and she is a stays at home, being a full-time parent, he doesn’t have to work much around the house now, so when he’s home he has more time to be a great dad and everyone, including the children, are happy.
Doesn’t that sound better? As long as the person giving up their business is happy of course, it could easily be the male doing this.
We also chatted about money and it isn’t everything, and being kinder to oneself.
Taking care of not only your own mental health and well-being but also the lives of those around you.
Your partner, your children. Your loved ones.
I saw them on the way home afterwards, he looked relaxed and happy, his interaction was much better with his kids and they looked like they’d had a great time. But I was thinking is he being kind to himself?
Has he not swapped some of the pressure from his wife, but now he is the main earner? I wasn’t sure if the balance was right.
Who am I to judge? We all have choices and he might get there in the end.
This week at work I was talking to a recruitment rep, she was telling me about that people just don’t want full-time hours any more. They want more from their lives.
I said, “that’s great”.
People are waking up to what their lives could and should be.
If people can afford it or don’t want so much material goods in their lives, then what they get back from working less is surely something that money cannot buy?
Freedom, Control, Balance.
The trend and tide are definitely turning and I hope and think, for the better.
In an age where mental health, anxiety, depression and low mood is so prevalent, if people are waking up to the fact that pushing themselves isn’t so hot and that they need to take better care of themselves for their own life-force and success in their lives, then isn’t that so much better?
Anyway, back to you and me.
People like us naturally push ourselves too much.
Working long hours and constantly juggling jobs, study, building our own business, being a parent, partner, human being… can be hard.
But why do we do it?
Why do we push ourselves to the point of exhaustion?
I don’t know, I’ve thought about this lot.
I think we and I mean you and me, as entrepreneurs have something wired differently inside. An inner drive to succeed at something outside of the ordinary.
We are born with it I suppose or learnt it from someone inspiring in our lives.
Either way, we are here and we are moving forward.
But being on top form, moving forward and being an entrepreneur, being someone who is always striving to be better, faster, fitter, more successful, a better version of oneself, can take its toll on your own mental well-being and health.
In turn not being kind to yourself can actually undermine your own ability to be successful, it can erode your ability to be productive, to be the best that you can be.
That’s what I’ve realised over the years.
To be fighting fit, to be ahead of the game, to be the best that you can be to be successful. You cannot keep taking from yourself, you have to give something back, you have to be kind to yourself.
So what do you do?
Well, good question.
You take a step back.
You take a good hard look at yourself.
You ask yourself…
What do I want from life?
Am I working too hard?
Am I putting the resources into my life, in the right ways?
Have I got my priorities right?
Do spend enough time with the ones I love?
Do I spend enough time on the relationships I cherish?
Do I take care of my health?
Do I look after my mind?
And do I invest in my own personal growth?
By asking yourself those questions, even doing it standing in front of a mirror and doing this can help, will help you to get some perspective about who you are and what you want out of life.
Sometimes we treat our pets, better than we treat ourselves.
What’s that about?
Isn’t that bonkers?
We talk kinder to the dog than we talk to ourselves.
And whilst I love animals and treat them with respect, I do catch myself talking nicer to my cat than I do about myself and my own internal dialogue, with my own mind.
That’s not very good.
Once you really know what you want from your life, you can start to readjust your life to put the resources that you have, which at times can be sparse and limited, in the right places.
For example, who really cares if you finish your work at 6.30 or 5.30? the work will always be there, you’ll always have too much to do, but really do you have to kill yourself in the process?
I see those around me huffing and puffing, staying later and later, getting themselves so stressed that they can’t “get it all done”.
Nothing or no one is that important.
About 2 years ago I did the above and decided that I was going to put the energy that I did have away from a job that consumed me and into;
- my own education about building an online business and
- more into my own personal growth and those that I love.
Whilst I still do a good day’s work in a job that interests me, I don’t let it control me.
I don’t let it consume my life, through fear of failure or fear of not being successful.
What happened when I was brave enough to take my foot off the peddle a bit?
Well, nothing really, in fact, I felt I have been more productive at work.
I achieve what I need to and more, but I don’t let stress get to me, I have more focus and energy to work on my own business at home and study to improve my life long term.
I’m home more for my kids and around the home more to be more involved.
I’m not so much a passenger of my life now, as the driver.
Stepping back and asking yourself those questions can really turn things around.
I see so many of my workmates tired, stressed, some ‘on the edge’. Life shouldn’t be like that.
It is so unnecessary.
In the modern world, in this modern age, we can do things differently.
We have more control and more choices don’t we?
I believe we do.
A lot of how we feel is perspective.
It is how we look at things and what we think we want from life.
It is about being kinder to yourself, it is about being your very best friend.
Wayne Dyer said that we are all just single people. That never changes, we never become joined with another.
We might be married but we are still 2 single, individual people living with each other.
We come into this life on our own and we go out on our own.
We only really ever have ourselves.
So what does this mean?
We have to be our own best friend, otherwise who else will look after us? I mean truly look out for us, without question and total, unconditional love?
I’m not being rude, there’s no innuendo here. I really mean it.
Do you love your ‘self’,
If you don’t, then get loving.
Look at the positive things that you love about yourself and go for it.
Loving yourself is one of the steps to being kind to yourself.
Nurture yourself, if we don’t, how do we expect the rest of the world to love us?
If we love ourself then we start to radiate that out to the world and attract it right back.
This really works, believe me, try it.
I’ve gone from someone who didn’t much care for me. I used me like a person who I vaguely knew and didn’t pay much attention to.
I was indifferent to me and I was drifting through life not really that interested.
Once you start to say hello to yourself and then loving the greatness of who you are, then the rest will follow. Success will follow.
And you know what?
It can be really cool.
You turn out to be pretty decent and the best mate you never knew you had.
Treat yourself well.
Treat yourself like a new lover and someone you want to take care of.
Talk to yourself nicely.
Be loving towards you, as a person.
Carve out time to spend time with yourself.
You can exercise, meditate, do yoga, walk in nature and relax.
I tend to spend about 15 mins exercising every day.
I say positive things to myself. And reflect on what I have accomplished during the day or week.
This really helps, after a while, you respond better towards how you feel.
You know I very rarely get low, I never feel depressed.
I have loads of energy and I feel like I am in love with life, for most of the time.
That then radiates outwards to others and the worlds respond kinder to you.
Exercise regularly, be kind to your physical body.
Get good sleep and enough of it.
Have long baths, showers, and treat yourself with care.
Eat lighter foods, cut down on the salt, red meats, sugar and too many carbs.
Listen to great music and inspiring speakers who resonate with you and your thinking.
If religion is your thing that might help, I tend to listen to great minds who like to open up minds to great new ideas and thinking.
Tackle your prejudices and be more compassionate and caring.
Think about those you feel negatively about and tackle that as well, yes even ‘knobby’ brother in laws!
Send them love, send them good thoughts.
Don’t hold it inside… it only eats you up.
Conclusion: So there you go.
My guide to ‘How being kinder to yourself will get you the success you deserve in your online business, of your dreams’.
My top tips to becoming more successful in your online business, by being kinder to yourself.
Because being kinder to yourself means you are happier in yourself, you direct your energies to what you desire and want from life, and have a better sense of who you are.
It isn’t particularly hard to do, but it takes perseverance. Little steps every day, to gather momentum.
But then again…
It isn’t necessarily easy either.
It takes some soul searching and some inner fact-finding.
You don’t need a new fad diet.
You don’t need a special machine or a fancy book.
You just need yourself.
You need determination and some motivation.
It takes some time.
It takes some patience.
It takes love and kindness and permission to be …well to be you.
You might dig up some things you might not like about yourself, but then you have to face them some day.
But the rewards, oh the rewards…
…are so worth it.
I’ve been on this particular journey for a few years now.
It does work. It really works.
Has it made me more Successful online and in my own business?
Well, I’m getting there.
I really think I am in a much better place than I was 2 years ago, or even 1 year ago.
It depends on what you want out of life.
And that is down to the questions you ask yourself.
Know what you are capable of and if you aren’t happy with what you are or who you are then do something about it.
Knowing this can only lead to more success because you are putting energies into what you want to achieve, not what you think you should achieve.
There is a difference. Think about that for a moment.
As I said earlier I’m writing this whilst on holiday. But I want to write it, I don’t have to write it. I’m being kind to myself.
I was getting a bit stressed last week saying to myself, “right you are missing some valuable work time, you need to do this and you need to do that”.
But stop…I say… “be kind to yourself”.
You don’t really need to do all of this, it is all in your mind.
You are your own pressure.
You are your own abuser really, at times.
I took the pressure off the things I had to do and I only do these things I want to do, whilst I’m on holiday.
I’m not checking my phone or looking at my website this week.
I’m talking and laughing with my family and swimming
But having some downtime.
I might even have a spa!
If you are to be at your best and be successful, that’s what we all need.
Be kind to yourself.
Be nice, be your very best friend.
And the success in your life, online or otherwise will follow.
I want to know how you are kind to yourself (don’t be rude!) and if this works. Leave a comment below
Check out my free video series about how you can get success online and grow your own business.
Good luck, take back control.
Axe Your 9 to 5.