This article is all about having the courage to live the life you want to live and take back control by designing and creating the life you want. It is based on my own experiences and research.
I have worked in health and social care for many years, working with people who are impaired, broken for a variety of reasons or going through a hard time.
Some are either born with impairments or they developed them through illness or accident. Some for example, through a stroke or developed Parkinson’s disease.
Some are acquired because of life choices, poor health or even by design (i.e. throwing oneself under a train).
Having worked around people who have had these life experiences, it really does change how I see the world.
For nearly twenty years I have worked to try a make their life a better place to be, fought against injustice, discrimination and the system that bureaucracy often sets up, in our path.
Driven forward change in lives, to at least carve-out something worth living for.
It has been hard, this type of work is not easy, but it teaches you about life and the precious gift we are given to be healthy and well in ourselves.
What this has taught me personally is that we have to take back control of our lives, as no one else will. Some of us can do this on our own, but many of us need the help and support of others to break free of negative situations we are in.
I understand that we have to live the best life we can because life is precious.
Life is fragile and it can change in the blink of an eye, both good (birth of a new baby, falling in love) and bad (death of loved one or an accident).
To explain this a bit more, I remember once, a few years ago there was one young man who because of a hang gliding accident, where he went into the side of a building, was left paralysed from the waist down. In that instant, his life changed.
Some might say, well it was his choice to hang glide, yes it was, but you never think it’ll happen to you. The circumstances are not important, but what happens is.
It took him a while to get his head around this, but he took back control of his situation and made a new life for himself. It took nearly a year to do so, but he went from feeling suicidal to making the best life that he can.
He was inspiring, he was inspirational and if he can do it, being dealt such a hand as that, then anyone can.
But most of us don’t, we don’t move, we don’t change unless really pushed to do so.
But why would we?
Are we really lazy at our centre?
Or just in our comfort zone and don’t feel the need to get out, move on? as another opportunity will come along soon or we’d rather just moan about it and feel happy in our misery?
I’ve worked with young and older people who are in a hospice as their life comes to a close.
Their solitude and waiting for the end often brings acceptance and reflection on their lives. Observing this is inspiring and it still burns in my mind like a flame that refuses to go out.
Listening to their loves, adventures and sometimes regrets gives me fuel to keep positive and move forward with my own determination to make the best of my life, whatever that may be.
There is a book by Bonnie Ware called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying…in it, Bonnie says that the top regret of many people is not living the life they wished they’d lived.
Or words to that effect.
Just think about that for a minute.
Not living the life, they wished they’d lived!
Isn’t that sad?
Isn’t it scary to think we might get to the end of our life and feel the same way?
Is that you?
Is that me?
By the time we meet our end it’s a bit too late to change our mind about opportunities not taken, loves not loved, jobs and careers not seized, activities not done.
I think I’ve had the courage to live the life I wanted.
I’ve felt I’ve always had a purpose to live a better life, not to follow the norms or the rules. But listen to my inner callings, my inner thoughts and feelings.
I can give you an example when I have done this, when I have listened to an inner calling.
When I was 24 I left Uni and was scratching around for jobs, none of which were any good, for example working as a manager in a frozen food supermarket. Whilst I don’t judge those who do, it just wasn’t what made me excited.
Then one day I saw a tiny advert in the newspaper asking for teachers in Japan.
For me it was the other side of the world, hell…it could have been the other side of the universe for all I knew.
But I had an inner calling go for it.
Well, I was 24, scared of doing very much really, but I knew that I had an inner strength that had got me through university, got me up on stage in a production of West Side Story. And various other things.
I believed in trying to have as many experiences as possible and this was a big one.
I was scared stiff and could think of 1000’s of reasons why I shouldn’t go for it.
I had allergies to gluten and dairy, I couldn’t speak the language, I was from the country and didn’t know much about city life anywhere, let alone in Tokyo.
I knew no one there, I was leaving a country I knew and my family.
But my mum and girlfriend said you’ve got to go for it.
They spurred me on along with an inner drive to say yes this was something I needed to do.
It was a life experience I needed to do.
It eventually made my life fantastic, with travel across Asia etc, but you never know that at the time.
You only have that perceptive at that time, in that place, of your life.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it!
So, I went for an interview in London, which might not seem much but it was massive for me.
And I got the job and then a few months later I went over to Japan to work, and stayed for 5 years, teaching English and business studies.
I still look back and see it as one of the biggest adventures of my life along with having kids.
But the point I’m making is, I saw an opportunity, it felt right, I took it. Yes, I was scared, it was so far out of my comfort zone, but it felt right like it was meant to be.
I wasn’t hurting anyone, I wasn’t putting myself in any particular danger.
Fear and being scared of what the unknown is, should not stop you from moving forward and listening to that inner calling, that inner purpose.
What was the purpose of Japan?
Well looking back now I think it was that I worked alongside quite a few people who were very unhappy in their life.
I think I helped them to see life a bit better and I think I changed their pathway, their direction in life.
I enjoyed this work so much that when I came back to the UK I went into social work, and that’s another story but equally, I was scared and fearful of this, but again it was a chance I took and it was my purpose at that time.
Philosopher and life motivator Wayne Dyer talks about us being infinite souls having a human experience.
Which means we are not just the sum of our physical body in the here and now, we are sols, spirits whatever you want to call it, having an experience in a human body.
And that is important ‘experiences’…EXPERIENCE.
Isn’t that why we are here?
To take some risks, to listen to our inner purpose, to take some chances and change our life and those lives around us?
If not what is the point of it all? of us? of our existence?
What would have my life been like if I hadn’t taken those chances?
Would I have been even more frustrated and bored? Having done absolutely nothing of any significance with my life?
Friends say “if only”… “I wished I’d done that when I was younger”…
…”well why the hell didn’t you? what was stopping you?
I didn’t have any more chances than you did”.
Take the chance. Take any chance that feels good to you. Take it and grab it with both hands and hold on.
Listen to that inner voice, listen to your purpose in this life.
Can you imagine getting to your death bed (I know a bit morbid but stay with it for a minute) and looking back and thinking…”If only…I wish…I had done this or done that?”
How sad would that be, to not have lived the life you’d always wanted?
Recently there was a woman on the radio here in the UK.
She was a 58-year-old woman who had woken up a few years previously to the fact that she had been living a lie.
Because ‘She’ used to be a ‘He’ and she had decided that her macho life as a man had all been a way to run away from a life that she didn’t want.
That she’d always felt trapped in a man’s body and wanted to live now as a woman.
That is some inner calling. Can you imagine wanting or needing to change your gender?
I would be so scared, wouldn’t you?
But if you need to do it, then you just have to go with it, otherwise, you are living a lie and not being true to who you are.
And that would be one big regret, at the end.
The guts and bravery of such a person, so lonely in their thoughts, so determined to be the person they wanted to be. Judged, hated by some, pitied by others.
It was Inspiring, listening to her, well she was inspirational.
Her family, for the time being, have turned their back on her, but she didn’t let that stop her.
Onwards she went, listening to that calling, that voice inside her, driving her forward.
And that voice is so important. Now I’m not talking about a psychosis here, or a mental health need, the voice is not scary or hateful. It comes from the very soul of you, it is you really.
It is loving and nurturing.
Like a loving parent talking to a child.
What does your voice say to you?
How can you hear it? well, through meditation, when you are quiet and just letting your mind drift.
Mine has been getting louder and louder in recent years.
So, whilst it isn’t as life-changing as changing gender, it is turning my life around.
Ignoring it eats the very inside of you and it pulls you forward. You really have no control over it.
So I now let it take me forward.
What voice do you have?
What is it saying to you?
The very essence of you, calling to you, your purpose in life.
I’ve written before about finding your flow, the buzz you get when you are really involved in a project that you live. Time flies past so fast because you are in that flow.
If any of you have seen my videos series on making an office in your garden. I was in that flow then. It was the first stage of being on that new soul journey.
There are different adventures on the path to getting it right and doing what you need to do.
Sometimes there are psychical adventures, sometimes there are emotional ones, there are also educational ones.
All bringing you forward, to your purpose.
So, what is your purpose?
Maybe you have no frigging’ idea.
And that is okay.
We all have one, but some maybe don’t know what it is.
I’m not wholly sure what mine is yet.
But I know I’m going in the right direction.
I know it is about freedom for others, freeing them from the constraints of life, living the best life they can.
Finding their own purpose and getting in their flow.
I was bobbing along quite nicely.
Nice job, nice income, respect from those around me. A professional. A family man.
But I didn’t feel I was living the life I was supposed to be living.
It is not just about being happy with your lot.
Do we have to fit into a small box, living the same life over and over again?
If I retired in 25 years, will I be living a life like a groundhog day until then?
Over and over again; commuting, same meetings, same people saying the same things having the same problems in a smaller and smaller world.
Talking about stuff that isn’t as important as we think, people thinking that they are more important than they actually are, until they wake up and look outside of ourselves.
At times I felt I was living someone else’s life and I just happened to wake up in it.
Do you get the same feeling?
Do you know what I mean?
These are all very first world problems, aren’t they?!
When there are those in the world fighting to stay alive and to eat some food to survive or to protect their children. We are worried about our purpose and where we need to go.
But that’s okay. We all have a pathway to be on.
We all have a part to play, this is just ours.
So my purpose, my calling, my drive is just that. Having the courage to live the life you want to live, taking back control by designing and creating the life you want.
Listen to what your soul is saying and go for it.
I found the Six Figure Mentors, an education academy about making an online business and changing lives.
All inspiring stuff.
I joined and I study with them, whilst I figure out what I am supposed to be doing. But I am happier that I have been for years.
I’m learning more about myself and you can too if that’s what resonates inside of you.
Sometimes these types of academy or online education platforms are just catalysts for us to propel us forward. That’s all they are really.
They are not the destination… they are just the vehicle for that journey.
No one can make the journey except yourself. No one’s journey will look the same.
But if you are frustrated, fed up, feel like you are living someone else’s life and not your own. Then surely isn’t it worth doing something about it?
Do you want to end up at the end, thinking … “I regret I didn’t lead the life I wanted to live”
Don’t be a person like that.
Take back control.
Be a better, no!! a Greater, more fantastic, version of yourself.
Isn’t that worth a bit of digging around and looking into you and finding out your purpose?
I want to know how you intend to live the life you want to lead. Or maybe you have no regrets so far?
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And if you are interested in the academy I am studying with then just pop in your email address and check out my free video series on this link, learn about how YOU can change your life, take back control and get success online and grow your own business.
Good luck, take back control.
Axe Your 9 to 5.